hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
