Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
