Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she peed on how many people?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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