I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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