Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
