Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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