maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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