let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
