Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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