I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just want to make out with him forever
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
