pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
