waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
