i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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