Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
