My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
