i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Randomize
