I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
