I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my shit smells like andre
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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