The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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