It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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