My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
