I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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