also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
