I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
