I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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