You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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