I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
