I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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