Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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