did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
