Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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