that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize