You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
