Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
