I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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