wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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