Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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