She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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