Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
