I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
