The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
