If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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