It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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