i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
