i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
