i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
