ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
