My hand turned me down
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
