oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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