2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize