I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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