take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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