I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
