I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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