at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
