We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
