I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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