3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
