he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
