Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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