at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We are all done wearing pants today
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
