just come out here and I will go home with you...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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