Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
