On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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