oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
