Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
