farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
