and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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