please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're too hungover to prance.
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