Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
