And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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